Catching Up and Being the Bigger Person

It's been quite awhile since I've made the effort to sit down and write out my thoughts on here.

I think I gave up because it got a little too public, maybe too personal. it was easy writing things down knowing that if someone was reading them I probably didn't know them and would never have to actually talk to them about it. then other people caught on and I think it started to scare me that people who actually knew me, who actually cared, and who actually wanted answers were reading.

Since I stopped writing life has been it's typical roller coaster that I always seem to live on, but I do miss writing things down. It's how I remember. Whether remembering is good or bad I've yet to completely determine, but I figured it's probably time to give it another shot.

I spent most of last year in an odd funk that I don't think ever really left me. I was working a job that I hated, dating someone who was completely amazing and one of the most loving people ever, but I had no feelings for, and just skating by with the rest of everything else.

At times I feel rather pathetic writing out these rantings that are so trivial when compared to other peoples lives. Yet, isn't that the epitome of the human condition? We're never happy with what we have and we always want what someone else has. The whole "grass is greener" cliche.

Anyway I have to get it out somehow and I'll leave it up to anyone who manages to come across this to leave it up to their perspective on the shallowness or sorrow that is my life.

To catch you up, my life has seen some good pick ups in the past few months. I finished my junior year of college, started an amazing year long internship with one of the largest banks in the world, moved into a house with 3 of my best friends, and just recently started dating someone again.

At least I hope we're still dating. He's currently not speaking to me because I think I may have pushed a bit too hard on an issue, but hey that's me. I can never just leave anything alone. I should probably be the bigger person and apologize for pushing too hard, but to be totally honest I have yet to get to be the young stupid kid in a relationship. I always try so hard to think things through and do the mature thing. Granted I'm definitely not always right in what I do. It would just be nice if someone would chase after me, be the bigger person,  put in some effort.

Writing is already helping me think and understand more. It's even helped me send that painful message of apology, but this time I just needed to set aside my pride and think of someone else.

Hopefully it doesn't back fire on me.

Until next time...

S