This one we'll call Derek.
Now, be honest with yourself. Based on just these two simple pictures who would you rather go out on a date with?
I may not be able to read minds and I know there are a lot of exceptions, but I have a feeling that most of you chose Chase, and why wouldn't you? I mean look at him!
Yet, in my short two years of being out and meeting guys I have met a lot more people like Derek. Not so many like Chase. Why is it that in the gay would we all strive to look like Chase. Who cares if he has the intelligence of a rock and the personality of a cactus, he's hot! So naturally he's the obvious choice of person who we as gay men should try to emulate.
I am not trying to preach by any means. I am guilty of the sam offense of ignoring the Derek's of the world and pursuing the Chase's. I've met some of the most amazing guys in this city, but I haven't been able to get past friendship with any of them because I'm not attracted to them.
This is one of the most frustrating things about my "love life". I sit here and let all these Derek's talk to me and compliment me and attempt to sweep me off my feet and in all truth worship the ground I simply walk on. Yet, I never let them in. I never let them past the friendship stage. All because I'm not sexually attracted to them. I'm too busy searching for my Chase, and subsequently being ignored by him.
What's even worse is the idea of self-image that's attached to all of this. Just the other night I had a discussion with a boy I would consider myself highly interested in. He also happens to be one of the first boys I have been insanely attracted to. He explained to me that he always had this fear of rejection in meeting new guys. When I inquired as to why he explained that he used to be very over weight and had major acne. Well from looking at him now, no one would ever believe that. Yet, he said "the problem is when I look in the mirror I still see the fat me. The me no one ever wanted. I guess it's just something I've never gotten over."
Hearing that made me think about what it is that I see when I look in the mirror. I've heard somewhere that there are very few people who can look at themselves in the mirror for more then 10 seconds and not think of a flaw they have. I know I do that. Either I poke and prod at a zit, or hate how my ears aren't at an even height, or my nose is too big. Always finding flaws.
What is it about people, especially gay men. Why do we always have to search for our flaws and why do we never believe the compliments that we are given. Even more so, why is it that those who are confident in what they have are considered jerks or egotistical. Is it because they seem to be the only one that everyone wants and we're jealous? Or is it really because we see them as perfection and want to be able to look in the mirror and do that ourselves.
Well here's my challenge to you. Take some time. Look in the mirror, but this time instead of finding flaws find something that you feel good about. If you don't like something really ask yourself why. Then remember if it's that giant nose that you hate would you really be you without it? Yeah it might be hard to drink out of a champagne flute or it might get in the way when you're going in for a kiss, but it's yours.
I once saw someone write; "There's only one of me in the galaxy. I'm an endangered species." If each and everyone of us is unique and different why do we always have to stive to be Chase. If we all looked like that would the world really be that much better?
-S
No comments:
Post a Comment