I Need My Therapist

Well I know this is my first post in quite a long time. My problem is I forget how much blogging really seems to help me. It's one of those I write religiously for awhile and then I feel better about myself, so I stop writing. Then it's just a slow regression back to feeling like crap and being lost in my own world again.

I had a friend, well I'm not sure if I can call him that (he's really more of a person I stalk on Twitter) tweet today that his blog is his therapist. I thought about it for awhile and realized that I totally agree. In the past month or two I've kind of turned my life into a complete and utter shit show because I haven't taken the time tor really stop and look at what it is I've been doing.

Now I haven't like completely ruined my life or anything. I've still done a lot right. I just recently started a new job, I've moved into an apartment for the summer with two of my best friends from school, and I've managed to meet some very nice people.

Outwardly it still seems like I've got all my shit together. On the inside though, I'm back to being pretty messed up. I don't remember what I've blogged about in the past so I'll throw in a refresher for those of you who care to read.

Lance, my ex managed to come back into my life for a short time. We saw each other for almost two months before we called it quits again. He really has changed and  so much for the better, but I just wasn't really able to move on from the past we had. It was hard, but I think it was really time to let him go.

Since then though, not much good has come about in my life. I made the stupid decision of downloading Grindr again. For those of you who don't know Grindr is a phone app that is basically a gay GPS. Well, as usual, I've become completely addicted to it. I'm constantly checking for new messages and seeing who's around. Now since downloading it again I can honestly say I've met about 3 of the best people I've ever met, but I've also gotten into a little trouble with it.

My "number" if you know what I'm referring to has grown by about 3 in the past two weeks with about 4 more lurking in the shadows. The problem is my mind is still telling me that's not the person I want to be. I don't want to be the stereotypical gay guy who sleeps with every guy who says hi and has a witty compliment. The problem is that it's just so easy for me to find guys like that.

Well that's jist of what's been going on in my life lately. I'm sure there will be some more posts coming soon. I've got a lot on mind that will surely be coming out in blog form soon enough!

-S