So this really got me wondering, is monogamy starting to disappear in this world? I know it's already hard to find in gay relationships, but I feel like I've even noticed less and less of it in straight couples as well. Why is this? Why has our society become so obsessed with finding as many people to "love" as possible?
I've heard many people say that humans aren't meant to love just one person for their entire lifetime. The website AshelyMadison.com is almost geared towards finding married people extramarital affairs. Many people even find that monogamy is a Western invention. It does seem though that humans are not psychologically or physically able to be monogamous.
While I feel that monogamy makes a good relationship I am definitely not the expert or even the one to go to for advice. I find myself to be a "serial monogamist" I try to be monogamous until I find someone else who happens to strike my interest. Then I end one relationship and move onto the next.
Yet, it seems that some of the best relationships that I've come across are between those who aren't entirely monogamous.
One example I have is a man I like to call "The Australian." He and I met on an internet site a few months ago and ended up sharing a few evenings together while he was in town. You see, he lived in Australia, worked for a company in Singapore, and was currently stationed in Vancouver. Needless to say he was an insanely interesting man and gorgeous to boot.
Well he and I hooked up, but what was interesting was a conversation we had one of those nights. As we were lying in bed he asked me, "So, do you have a boyfriend?" I didn't at the time so I responded with, "No, do you?" Then he surprisingly said that he did. So my inquisitiveness kicked in and I began to ask more questions.
I found out that he and his "boyfriend" had been together for about 7 years. They had a house together back in Australia. The interesting thing was they had an agreement that they wouldn't be completely monogamous. Why you might ask? Well, it was because The Australian was gone so much. "We're guys. We have needs and there's no reason to deprive ourselves of those needs. I love him very much and he means a lot to me but, sometimes I just need sex and so does he."
To me this was such an odd concept, but at the same time it also made a lot of sense. I'm not sure if I could ever make that kind of a relationship work because I am very much the jealous type. I'm very possessive and hate the thought of letting anyone else have what's mine.
What I've come to believe is that while humans may not be the best a sexual monogamy maybe we are built for more personal monogamy. It's always comforting to know that there's someone there for you. Someone who after years knows everything about you and knows what you need. Yet, why does being with that person and having that relationship also require sexual monogamy? Maybe that's why it seems that some of the marriages that last the longest are those who have more open relationships, or those who have less open relationships, but are better at hiding their indiscretions.
In the end I don't think I can really advocate either way. It is something that is very distinct within each couple, but I do believe that everyone should have an open mind to it. It seems that the idea of monogamy is slowly becoming an idea of the ancient past. The real question is how do we change our mindset to it, or even more, should we?
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