Crushes, Leagues, Grindr, Chrushes: Part Deux

So my last post got a few more reactions than what I was initially expecting. The main one being that of a friend who kind of let loose on me, but in way that he put a lot into prospective for me. He came up with a lot of valid points and I'm realizing that my last post was pretty much a gigantic pity party.

Now I will be the first to admit that I'm not perfect. In fact I am highly flawed. I'm a narcissistic, OCD, control-freak with low self-esteem. So naturally I throw a lot of pity parties for one. Yet, what my friend did was point out the facts that I do have a tendency to go on a lot of dates, I do get noticed when I go out to the clubs, and I do receive a lot of messages on Grindr. The worst part of this was finding out that one of guys who messaged me on Grindr wanting to hookup was actually dating this friend at the time. Yeah, talk about feeling horrible.

Anyway, to clarify, my issue isn't in finding guys, it's in finding guys of substance. I also understand that my issues with not being able to find substance are also a lot of my own fault. I haven't really invested enough time and energy into any particular guy to actually get to a point where there could be substance in our relationship. Part of this may be my own subconscious fear of commitment that won't let me get that close to a boy. Either way it's an issue. I do understand now that I do have it a lot better than most. I do get a lot of compliments on my looks and go on a lot of dates. It's just a matter of being patient and reminding myself that someday I'll find someone who will make me forget about all of that.

The other interesting thing that came from that post is I did manage to grow a pair and talk to Blair. Of course it was painfully awkward, but good overall. I felt like I was in high school all over again getting ready to pass the girl I liked a note. (Yes, I went through the whole girl phase.... never again) Oh well, I have found that in my life, I now live for awkward.

On a side note Lee and I have a date planned for Wednesday to go see the Hunger Games. I just started reading the book today and I haven't been able to put it down! I'm already halfway through the book and can't wait to see the movie. I'm not quite sure which part I'm more excited for, seeing Lee, or seeing the movie...