Without you, I would be nothing.

*Disclaimer to read all of this post will take you quite awhile!

Life has an odd way of giving you something the very moment you need it.

Or in some cases keeping something from you that you're practically begging for until you're ready.

The past few days have been a blur for me. A blur that contains an amazing amount of confusion. Not only has life thrown me a massive curveball that I never expected, but my life has really shown me what I have to be thankful for and how much love surrounds me.

I feel as though a lot of my time blogging so far has been spent complaining. When instead I should be raving about all the wonderful things I have in my life.

This post of course does not come unprovoked.

http://www.danoah.com/2011/11/im-christian-unless-youre-gay.html
http://www.danoah.com/2012/04/a-teens-brave-response-to-im-christian-unless-youre-gay.html

These two links were sent to me in a Facebook message today.

The words that followed were simply "I love you Seany."

There have been a lot of times in my life where I have felt utterly alone, unaccepted, and basically hopeless. Right now. At this very moment and day, is NOT one of those times. In fact I have never felt more accepted and supported than I do today.

You see while this blog originally started a few weeks ago as a random spur of the moment thing as a place to put my thoughts. It has already done more good in my life that I could have ever imagined. It has given me a place to work though some of the issues that have been weighing on my shoulders for a very long time.

In the past few weeks I have been working through a lot of my frustrations with relationships, coming out, and a few other random things here and there. It all seemed to come to somewhat of a final conclusion this week.

If you've been following you know my ex-boyfriend Lance has recently decided to make a reappearance in my life. This was the curveball I had never expected. After almost 6 months of being broken up I thought I had finally been able to push him out of my life and I would be able to move on, but in a matter of minutes he was back.

What did he want you might ask? Dinner. He said he wanted dinner. He explained that I had come up in conversation recently and he couldn't stop thinking about me. In fact he had been lying in bed for the past two hours telling himself how much of an idiot he was for letting me go. He also said he knew he didn't deserve it and that he understood if I said no.

No. With Lance the word no isn't in my vocabulary. So of course I agreed to have dinner with him. I was skeptical that he would even show up, but I'd at least give him the chance. Boy was I impressed. He came though with flying colors and is continuing to impress me everyday.

Much of the reason we broke up was because Lance was a major pot head. I happen to be one of those people who is totally opposed to drugs. I have my own reasons for that, but I won't bore you. Well he's been drug free for 4 months now and the change is amazing. Gone is the flakiness, the boy void of emotions, the airheadedness. All of that has been replaced with the Lance I first met. The amazingly intelligent, sweet boy.

Well I will keep the rest of that story for another post, but the main point is life threw me a curveball the day my phone rang and he was on the other end. Especially seeing as how I felt I had finally gotten to the point where I was okay with being alone for awhile. Ready to live the single life. It seems as though life was waiting for me to get to that point before letting Lance back in my life.

Now back to the support, and everything I have to be thankful for. The night of that fateful phone call I stammer up the steps to my best friends dorm. Plop myself on her bed shaking and can only manage to say, "Lance just called. We're getting dinner tomorrow night."

Now here's where I feel the support. Instead of sitting there and trying to talk me out of it she begins to question me. Not to get answers for herself, but instead questions I need to be asking myself. Making sure I really know what it is that I want and what it is I'm getting myself into. Genuinely making sure I won't get hurt again.

This is the kind of friend everyone needs. This is the definition of love. I can honestly say that the only reason I am here today as the strong person I am is because of the friends I have made over the past year. Without their love and support I would be nowhere as confident with who I am. They have done everything right. They have sat by and listened to me babble on about boy after boy. (Trust me there have been a lot of them) They have consoled me when I've cried my heart out. They've given opinions and advice. They've honestly done nothing but support me in everything I do. The good and the bad. Over the past two years my friends have become the family I have always longed for.

Without them I would be nothing.

I know many of them will never read this, but a few of them will. To them all I can say is thank you. I owe you my life, for without you I wouldn't have it. You're love has kept me going and kept me happy during the time of my life that has been the most difficult. You have accepted me, unconditionally, for who I am, good and bad. I can never repay what you have given me. I am now able to go into any situation fearless knowing that at the end of the day you will all be there. Ready to catch me when I fall. Ready to share in my success. Ready to cry with my heartbreak. Ready for anything that may come my way.

Without you, I would be nothing.

-S