Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

Well, my week with Chad has come and gone. I was lucky enough to get to spend every evening of the week with him. Yet, by the end of the week we were both left questioning if it was a good idea to have spent that much time with each other.

I would consider it one of the best weeks I've had, but also one of the worst. In a weeks time I became more attached to Chad than any boy I ever have. I quickly went from feeling ecstatic on Sunday night, to being insanely emotional on Thursday night.

In fact Thursday was my low point. I went out to dinner with Chad and a few of his friends from around here. When we were done with that he was off to his hotel. We talked for awhile before he left. He explained to me that he didn't want me to be tied down to someone who wasn't even in the country. He promised we would still talk, like it or not we were now part of both of each others lives. I wanted to protest. I wanted to say, "No, you're mine. We can make this work," but at the same time I knew that was a bad idea. It's not fair to either of us to make that kind of a commitment.

Granted I say that easily now. Thursday night I went through about half a box of tissues trying to deal with the idea. It honestly felt like someone had reached into my chest and ripped out my heart. I've only ever experienced that kind of pain once before. It's frightening. I don't know how to deal with it.

Part of me feels like a complete idiot for babbling on like that. Does this actually happen in real life? I thought stories of feeling such pain because of another person, or falling in love at first sight were all just things that happened in movies. Real life was different.

Friday was the day Chad left. I skipped out on work an hour early so I could spend some time with him before he left. I handled Friday quite well. I promised myself I wouldn't be sad, I wouldn't cry, I wouldn't ruin the last few moments I got with him. Somehow I was strong enough and we said goodbye. Chad left me with saying, "Don't worry, we'll see each other again. Maybe even before I leave."

I handled it. I took it well. I even had a decent evening out with friends. I didn't even cry until this morning when I got a text: "Listen to For Good from Wicked."

That broke me. Yet, at the same time it gave me a little more insight into how Chad was feeling. It gave me a little more hope of being able to some day make things work. To some day have a real relationship with this boy.

No matter what my time with Chad has changed me. It's shown me that I can feel something for another person. It's shown me that I need to hold myself to higher standards. It's shown me I'm really worth something and that I can't just let any guy have me. They have to be very very special.

For now I've said my good-byes to Chad, but it's only a physical good-bye.

"If there ever comes a day when we can't be together, keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever."

-S