Is Love Real?

So the past few post I've written are clearly a blubbering shrine to Chad. My question now though is what do we as humans consider love? What is it even? I mean scientifically we're mammals so we have the natural instinct to mate, but we're some of the only mammals who seem to develop an emotional attachement to others in a way that we form extensive relationships and have things such as crushes, and lovers.

Interestingly enough there is a lot of scientific research into why we love. Many of us ask the question why loving someone feels so good. Why are we so happy because of that one person. Well, in a scientific sense we are  basically experiencing the same effects of a cocaine high. Being with someone we love produces a chemical in the brain called dopamine which produces feelings of euphoria, energy, sleeplessness, and focused attention.

So, from what research says it seems that humans do have a very animalistic side to why we love, but that has evolved over time and has become less and less about finding the perfect mate to have children with and has become more about finding someone to fulfill your life.

Another interesting article I stumbled upon stated that there are 5 easy ways to tell if you're actually in love.

1.  I can live without you, no problem.

There are a lot of people out there who get so attached to their significant other that they feel as though they would die if they were to ever leave. Psychologically this is much more of the behavior of an infant than a full grown adult capable of loving another person. It goes back to the days of being a toddler where if there was no caretaker you would, in fact, die.

Love is more being able to say, "I can live without you, but I'd rather not." It's about choosing to have someone in your life because you know what they bring to you and you know what you bring to them.

2.  My love for you will definitely change.

Change is one of the hardest things for human beings to accept, but the problem with that is change is inevitable. We don't live in a static world. Everything changes including people. Yet, those who embrace the fact that things change have a much greater chance of success in love. It makes the relationship much more flexible, which in turn, makes adapting to changes in lifestyle, personality, and really anything else much easier.

Love is much more about being able to accept a person into your life knowing they have a lot of growing to do. Growing that you will be there to help foster and support, while your partner does the same for you.

3. You're not everything I need.

In many relationships people get this crazy idea that finding that one person will somehow fulfill every want, desire, or need that may ever exist. This is again setting you up for failure. As humans we are complex creatures and in love we are clearly not loving our clone. You and your partner will have different interests, dreams, and opinions. That's okay!

Understand that there are a lot of needs you can fulfill for your partner and your partner can fulfill for you, but it's an exhaustingly impossible task to attempt to fulfill every single need for your partner.

4. I won't always hold you close.

We've all heard the cliche of "If you love something, let it go." Sadly this cliche exists because it's true. If you really do love someone you need to support them in every way. Keeping them close is not only selfish, but it also smothers the other person.

The best way to avoid this is to always be honest with your partner. Share your dreams and your feelings. If your partner wants to spend a year touring the globe and you hate traveling and just want to stay at home working let them go! Not for good, but let them go on a trip, or talk about it and come to a compromise. One of the worst things you can do for a relationship is to start giving up some of your dreams because you don't want to upset your partner.

5. You and I aren't one.

Have you ever been on a date where someone hangs on your every word? Agrees with every opinion you have? Doesn't it just feel like they are sucking up? Again another cliche comes true here with the idea that "opposites attract." While polar opposites may not work together there needs to be some difference between you and your partner. As I said before you're not in love with your identical clone are you? The reason you're in love with the person is because of WHO they are.

So the next time you're questioning whether or not you're in love sit down and see if you can make these 5 statements a truth about your relationship. Relationships that truly work on a deep level are those between people that have a mature vision and know the true reality of love.

Now it's far to early for me to say what my feelings for Chad are, but I feel that with this knowledge behind me it's much easier to make mature adult decisions about attempting a long distance relationship. I went old school (high school) and wrote him a letter last night.

I'm glad I wrote it, but at the same time if he reads it I will be insanely vulnerable and close to getting hurt. At the same time my fear is overridden by the fact that if I don't fight for this now it might be too late after he leaves. I've got a lot of thinking to do in the next few days, but it looks like I'm getting ready to fight for this boy.